I am a mixture of feelings. Stressed, due to the fact that I am just a stressed out person at the best of times. Shove moving on to a new city in which I know no one and have no job and slowly running out of money into the mix and it’s a mess. Anxious, about having to start over again with meeting new friends. I lucked out in Sydney with meeting a solid group of great people. I almost didn’t want to leave Sydney because of them.
But leave I did, and now I need to start from scratch. I do have a friend here, who lives in Gold Coast so it’s nice knowing she’s close by. But I kind of need to meet people for the day to day chat. Which has been unsuccessful as of yet. A guy asked to use some of my butter for his breakfast this morning, so we’re kind of friends now right? Butter man. What a guy.
However, on top of all those negative feelings that occupy my brain 99% of the time, I am also just really happy. I think because I mainly only talk to backpackers these days, travel has become a norm. Oh you’ve been to Peru? Cool. You’ve swam with sharks? Nice. You’ve climbed to the top of Everest? Good for you. (Okay so I haven’t met anyone who has done Everest, but you get the point.) It’s pretty much all you talk about and all you hear about. Everyone has such incredible stories to tell that backpacking through Australia sounds pretty dull in comparison, so I forget that it is fucking incredible that I’m backpacking through Australia.
I’m so concerned with my day to day life, that I don’t step back and look at the bigger picture.
I have dreamt of travel since I was 12 years old. I’m finally doing it. I talk about my plans with people, stay in Australia until November and then travel SE Asia for 5 months, as if it’s not a big deal. I hear myself say it and don’t fully believe it. But also I do. It’s like there are two versions of me now. One before I left, and the one I am now. And I’m living with them both. The me from a year ago hadn’t even begun planning her trip. She was just settling back into work and was to nervous to sit and have a coffee alone. She would never have dared to go on a day trip by herself.
The me now? I look back and find it funny that I was nervous about almost everything. I didn’t realise it at the time, but there wasn’t much I would do on my own. Or if I did, I would be anxious till I stepped my foot back in the front door of my house. Don’t get me wrong, I still get anxious. But my tolerance level has raised. It’s more I’m nervous of going on a hike and falling off a cliff and not having anyone know where I am. Slightly higher stakes.
Another change I have noticed, whether it be Australia or just the way I am now, is that I get less migraines. I have been suffering from migraines since I was about 19 years old, pretty much at least one every couple of weeks. But in the past seven months I’ve had four! I remember being worried that travelling would be too stressful for my migraines (which are often brought on by stress or lack of sleep or bad diet. Pretty much what backpacker life is) that I thought I would get them every other day. But that hasn’t been the case. I don’t know if it’s the weather, or the clearer air, or just the chiller lifestyle. But I very much like this change, whatever the cause.
The change in me has been slow and gradual
So much so that I didn’t really notice it happening. I still have a ways to go. I’m still not great at chatting to strangers. But I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. I had the security net of travel buddies and a job for the first half of my trip that I didn’t really need to make an extra effort. So this is just a new challenge for me.
I haven’t focused on or built my blog up as much as I would have liked to. Trying to blog with limited or sketchy WiFi has been difficult. Also, I’ve rarely had a comfortable space to work. Hostel life is ever changing and it’s sometimes hard to just set time aside to do a task. I still post as much as I can and engage with others when I have a spare moment, but it’s taken a hit from when I would get home from my job to work on my blog every day. How do you digital nomads do it?
Maybe I need to be more dedicated. Or maybe I need a laptop that takes 10 hours to load a webpage. I am going to try to make a conscious effort to blog more though. It helps calm me down. I guess, when travelling alone you don’t really have much opportunity to talk or vent about stuff. So writing it down clears my mind.
What’s my next steps?
I am Brisbane (have I mentioned that yet?) and looking for work. Though, I am trying to not ONLY look for work, and enjoy what the city has to offer too. I am going to try to start planning my SE Asia trip, which I have no idea about, so anyone who has done that or has some tips, please hit me up!
I am going to try to stop drinking so much coffee as I now can’t wake up properly without it. Rather than eat out all the time I am going to start cooking my meals. I want to focus on being healthy and clearing up my skin. Will I finally start yoga? Let’s be honest, probably not. I am going to try to stop worrying about every little thing and just enjoy the fact that I have 5 months left in this incredible country and still have so much left to see of it!
Hope you are all doing well and have having a great time, wherever you are in the world.